why didn't you poke me back
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
