My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
