I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
