i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
