He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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