i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
either way he was missing a nipple.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
