R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
