I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You were trust falling into bushes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
