Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
