Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
