you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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