If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
