i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
