You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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