Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
