just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
