Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
