babies were throwing up all over the place
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
