you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
