and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
