believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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