I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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