this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
