he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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