Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
