I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
