i can't believe i had my finger in that
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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