Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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