hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
