Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We have so much sex to catch up on
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
