I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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