Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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