I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
