...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
