it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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