Kiss
Puke
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
