Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
