at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
