This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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