In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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