Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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