Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
