i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
