maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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