I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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