I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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