youre lurking in front of me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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