My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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