dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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