umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
