Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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