Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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