You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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