god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
