he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
