If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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