Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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